What about healing the parents and/or partner?
So often it is the non-offending parent(s) and/or partner that gets left behind in healing sexual trauma. These people are survivors of the traumatic experience as well and are equally impacted, even if not in the same ways.
The non-offenders in this situation are carrying the burden of their own guilt, shame, unworthiness, etc. brought on by feeling like they could have or should have done something to stop, or prevent the victimization, and protect their loved one. These are heavy feelings to shoulder and need to be resolved in the same safe, loving, and compassionate ways within a trusting environment; after all, their trust has been damaged by the traumatic occurrences too.
What is important for healing sexual trauma on this side of the equation?
It is important to me that each healing session occur within a safe loving and compassionate environment which is the opposite of how it felt during and feels around the traumatic experience now. The deepest healing occurs when the parent(s) and/or partner feels emotionally embraced by and trusting of the healer and can therefore, more fully re-visit their experience(s) within this space.
It is very wise to first resolve any feelings of anxiety, nervousness, guilt, shame, pain or tension in the body and where it is located, etc. resulting from the thought of even looking at their part in the sexual trauma. This too will help create the healing space needed between the practitioner and client/patient or with yourself if self-healing.
I like to dance around the edges of the traumatic sexual experience(s) resolving the related issues, triggers, ill feelings, reappearing anxiety, tension or pain in the body, etc. as we work towards the core at a gentle loving pace. Our goal here is to create room for the resulting peace as we move through your feelings about the trauma together; this remains important even when self-healing.
It is important that we step back from the issues around the sexual trauma as often as needed so that the parent(s) and/or partner has a chance to be bathed in the Love, Compassion, and Peace that has been created within this healing experience. This also prevents you from becoming overwhelmed and gives you some breathing room so you can restore your emotional energy to move forward once again.
I have found that going with the flow is of great importance. Allow the client/patient to set the pace and determine what needs to be worked on during the healing session by what is up for them right now, what has the strongest intensity, but balance this with making sure the healing moves forward with gentle loving and compassionate nudges.
The focus of these healing sessions needs to be around unburdening the non-offender of their feelings and emotions around the traumatic experience(s) and introduce a new truthful understanding of the events and what these experiences mean for the parent/partner and how you define yourself.
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